Like a party that is over, all the guests went their own way. Ginette was seeing a Porsche douche bag. Pauline was back with her old flame, Dudas Dubrofsky, who fell back in favor when he dropped out of dental school and got a job as a hockey commentator on Fox. Alvy was busy opening belt kiosks around the country in his bold move to transform his business into a vertical operation, and to "fuck the majors and their bullshit," after taking a $200,000 hit on a cancelled Wal-Mart order. It was time for Harry to emerge from the unhealthy comfort of basement living.
There was a script to finish, a new career to launch, an old skin to shed. Time to get back in shape. Harry donned a Teflon armor at work, still worked diligently at his job, but would not allow it to consume him. After work he hit the gym hard, pumping iron and running laps until exhaustion set in, and anxiety sweat out from his pores.
Every night Harry attacked the script, half a page, a page, sometimes more. The story of best friends dating twins, now an ode to Finkie of what could have been, of what should have been. Harry wasn't going to be written off into the good night like Finkie. He would write, write, against the flickering of the light.
SCENE F
INT. JILL AND JANA'S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT
HERB, JILL AND JANA
HERB WALKS OUT OF THE BEDROOM WEARING PANTS AND A WHITE TERRYCLOTH BATHROBE THAT’S WAY TOO TIGHT. THERE IS A SPOT OF WHITE CREAM ON HIS NOSE.
JILL
Ooh, Herb, how’s your nose?
JANA
Steam burns can be pretty nasty.
You’d better take care of that.
HERB
Not to worry, ladies. We Pulaski's
are known for our burn-resistant hide.
It’s a genetic thing. My Aunt Sophia had her
skin tested by the Corningware people.
SFX. THE BUZZER.
JANA
That must be Gary. He buzzed up
while you were scraping the paella
off your lap.
HERB
Ah, the dynamic duo is back together
again. Don’t get up, I’ll get it.
HERB WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT.
POV GARY. THE DOOR OPENS AND GARY SEES HERB WEARING THE BATHROBE. THERE IS A BEAT OF SILENCE. GARY LEANS IN, GRABS THE DOORKNOB AND SHUTS THE DOOR ON HIMSELF.
POV BACK IN THE APARTMENT. HERB OPENS THE DOOR AGAIN. JERRY CLOSES IT AGAIN, PULLING GEORGE OUT INTO THE HALLWAY.
HERB (CON’T)
Gary, what’s wrong?
GARY
You’re wearing a bathrobe in my
girlfriend’s apartment. What could be
right?
HERB
Are you insinuating that I’ve done
something improper?
GARY
No, more like miraculous. What happened?
HERB
I got a steam burn on my nose tasting
the paella. In my agony, I knocked
over the whole pot in my lap. I was
covered with rice. If I’d have been
in China, someone would’ve harvested me.
GARY
So you ruined the whole dinner? HERB
Everything! It’s a complete washout.
I was picking crustaceans out of my
pocket. C’mon, let’s go inside.
HERB RINGS THE DOORBELL. THE GIRLS ANSWER.
It was the first time that Harry was alone with the script without Finkie to buffer the past. Writing a script, not reading from one, felt strange. It had been nearly five years since Harry performed on stage, five years of blocked out memories.
Harry's last role was in his final year at college, where he played Estragon in Waiting for Godot in the major drama production of the year, a three night run. But as big a deal as that was in its own right, serendipitous forces at work also turned the role into the opportunity of a lifetime. Sitting there in the audience for the closing night while devouring an extra large smoked meat sandwich on kimmel with double mustard and a dill pickle, was the legendary talent agent, Manny Bloom. He was the man who discovered Hoffman, Pacino, De Niro and scores of others A and B list actors. But legends do not necessarily translate into unadulterated d success and such was the case with Manny Bloom. He could scout talent better than anyone else in the business. He could sign them first and set their careers in motion, but as soon as they were on the verge of making it big, Manny was given the pink slip. He simply didn't have that cutthroat edge to him. Manny was just too much of a gentleman to claw it to the top, and he was also a choke when the stakes got big.
The timing was right, at least for Harry. Manny however, was sputtering after barely surviving a ruinous divorce from his ex-wife, Tessie the Tennessee Terror, a shrewish foot model he discovered and who later rose to dominate the corn and bunion market. Tessie not only cleaned him out of his modest life savings, she also dragged his good name through the mud by blabbing:
That Manny participated in a bogus invoicing scheme.
That Manny could only make love to her if she would dress up as a sports mascot.
That Manny had been carrying on a decades-long affair with the first client he ever signed,(the one only to stay with him), New York's great balloon-folding artist, Minerva Foss.
With Manny's personal life in tatters, he took an extended leave from New York and moved in with his best friend and former college room mate, Bernard Dorfman, McGill Professor Emeritus of Theater and also the director of Waiting For Godot. More important, Professor Dorfman firmly believed that Harry was a huge talent and insisted that Manny see the play and consider signing Harry as a client.
Like the Daily theatre critic Gaston Bumstead wrote after seeing opening night, Harry's performance as Estragon was, "Mesmerizing, spell-binding, the virtual embodiment of alienation and unarticulated angst that define the futility of our existence." An overblown review? Perhaps? A harbinger of the Evil Eye? Definitely.
Then cameth the chicken bone scene. Harry had to suck on some chicken bones. But while sucking on them, a bone accidentally slipped out of his fingers and lodged into the back of his throat, causing him to choke on stage.
Fortunately there was a doctor in the audience who ran up on stage and saved Harry from choking to death. Unfortunately though, Harry punctured his larynx and could not finish his performance. But at least fellow chokers stick together. Manny Bloom, a world class choke in his own right, was able to overlook the stage disaster and hone in on Harry as a talent.
"The kid's got it," he confided to Professor Dorfman. "Providing he recovers fully from the punctured larynx, I'm ready to get him auditions on Broadway. There's a couple of productions coming up where he could have a shot at."
CUT TO: Two months later when Harry fully recovered, Manny schlepped him around town to audition:
Sim Neilson's, Hello Babe, It's Him. Sim Neilson was actually present at the audition and taking an active role in casting the lead parts. He handed Harry the script, pat him on the back and wished him good luck. Harry strode on stage, cracked some knuckles, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. But when he opened his mouth to read, his throat constricted and he gagged. A glass of water, a dozen deep breaths later and the same result.
"Sorry, Manny," Sim said.
"Todd and Carol" with Shelley Winters as Carol. Repeat performance by Harry.
"O Bombay! "Maybe getting him on stage buck naked will do the trick?" Manny surmised to no avail.
End result: Manny doesn't sign Harry.
"You can always call me up kid, when you get your stage voice back. Don't sweat it, we all go through this kind of crap."
"..," Harry gagged.
No comments:
Post a Comment