Choking for Godot

Screw Stevie Dash and his son-of-Hitler movie. With one semester left to graduate, Harry had his own role lined up to launch his career:

The McGill Theater Department's annual major production, a three-night run of the Samuel Beckett classic, Waiting For Godot. Harry nabbed one of two leads as Estragon. The only downside, his co-star playing the part of Vladimir was Hazen Bones, a gap-toothed dilettante who rehearsed in leotards and annoyed Harry to no end. But that was theater.

Stars were born at the vaunted McGill theater production. The stuff of legends was created on that stage. Take Lionel Wolfe, the most famous alumni who went on to strike fame and fortune as Captain Merkel on the cult TV series, Space Cadets. He showcased his remarkable range by playing Lady Macbeth in the experimental transgender version of Macbeth. Phil Ferns, the flaming queen head of CBC TV drama was in the audience opening night and immediately became smitten with Lionel's campy performance. The pay-off: Lionel Wolfe's first television appearance as Spuds McGee in the acclaimed CBC mini-series, The Potato Farmer.

Opening night of Waiting For Godot was a celebrated tour de force. Montreal Gazette theatre critic Gaston Bumstead wrote that Harry's performance as Estragon was, "Mesmerizing, spell-binding, the virtual embodiment of alienation and unarticulated angst defining the futility of our existence." Second night met with similar critical raves. Syd Sheinhart, the chatty entertainment critic of The Suburban wrote, "Harry Starr's haunting performance as Estragon kept me up all night thinking...Of course it also could have been the post-show pickled brisket I had during a late night nosh at Delly Boys, but oy! this kid Harry Starr is the next Lionel Wolfe!! p.s. Between us: Thesp Lionel's mother, Doris, was my prom date back at Baron Byng High. What a kisser, what a gal!"

Serendipitous forces were busy working for Harry for the last performance of Godot. Sitting in the audience (while devouring a Schwartz's smoked meat sandwich) was the legendary New York talent agent, Manny Bloom, a living legend who discovered the Oscar-winning Justin Guffman and scores of other working actors.

Of course Manny Bloom wasn't there just by chance. Personal matters led him to high-tail it out of newYork and seek refuge with his longtime best friend, Professor Morris Dorfman, head of the McGill theater department and director of Godot. Huge fan of Harry -- that Dorfman. As he confided to Manny, "Not just because he reminds me of a young unpolished Cary Grant, but because he personifies the quintessential outsider. The kid isn't just a gorgeous hunk, but he that  je ne dais quois. After you see the show, I want you to consider signing him on as a client."

And Manny Bloom could scout talent better than anyone else in the business. He could sign them first and set their careers in motion, but as soon as they were on the verge of making it big, Manny was given the pink slip. He simply didn't have that cutthroat edge. Manny was just too much of a mensch to claw it to the top.

The timing was right, at least for Harry. Manny however, was fuhklumpted after barely surviving a ruinous divorce from his ex-wife, Tessie Baker the Tennessee Terror, a shrewish foot model he discovered and who later rose to dominate the corn and bunion market. Tessie not only cleaned him out of his modest life savings, she also dragged his good name through the mud by blabbing:

That Manny participated in a bogus invoicing scheme.

That Manny could only make love to her if she would dress up as a sports mascot.

That Manny had been carrying on a decades-long affair with the first client he ever signed,(the one only to stay with him), New York's great balloon-folding artist, Minerva Foss.

Manny sat in the audience transfixed with Harry's performance and exchanged many affirming nods with Professor Dorfman. Then cameth the Estragon chicken bone scene. Harry had to suck on some chicken bones. But while sucking on them, a bone accidentally slipped out of his fingers and lodged into the back of his throat, causing him to choke on stage.

Fortunately there was a doctor in the audience who ran up on stage and saved Harry from choking to death. Unfortunately, Harry punctured his larynx and could not finish his performance.

Manny Bloom, a world class choke in his own right, was able to overlook the stage disaster and hone in on Harry as a talent.

"The kid's got it," he confided to Professor Dorfman. "Providing he recovers fully from the punctured larynx, I'm ready to get him auditions on Broadway. There's a couple of productions coming up where he could have a shot at."

CUT TO: Two months later when Harry fully recovered, Manny schlepped him around town to audition:

Sim Neilson's, Hello Babe, It's Him. Sim Neilson was actually present at the audition and taking an active role in casting the lead parts. He handed Harry the script, pat him on the back and wished him good luck. Harry strode on stage, cracked some knuckles, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. But when he opened his mouth to read, his throat constricted and he gagged. A glass of water, a dozen deep breaths later and the same result.

"Sorry, Manny," Sim said.

"Todd and Carol" with Shelley Winters as Carol. Repeat performance by Harry.

"O Bombay! "Maybe getting him on stage buck naked will do the trick?" Manny surmised to no avail.

End result: Manny doesn't sign Harry.

"You can always call me up kid, when you get your stage voice back. Don't sweat it, we all go through this kind of crap."

"..," Harry gagged.
Posted by David Hamburg