Choking for Godot

What did he care about Stevie Dash and his son-of-Hitler movie? Harry had his own big upcoming role. Last semester before graduation. The major theatrical production at McGill, a three-night run, Waiting For Godot. Starring Harry Starr as Estragon and some gap-toothed schmuck who liked to rehearse in leotards, as Vladimir.

Stars were born at the big McGill theatre department production. Like Lionel Wolfe, the most famous McGill theater alumni who went to strike fame and fortune as Captain Merkel on the cult TV series, Space Cadets. He showcased his remarkable range by playing Lady Macbeth the same night that Phil Ferns, the CBC head of drama happened to be sitting in the audience. Phil plucked Lionel Wolfe from the college stage to his first television appearance in the acclaimed CBC mini-series, The Potato Farmer.


Opening night was an acclaimed tour de force. Montreal Gazette theatre critic Gaston Bumstead wrote that Harry's performance as Estragon was, "Mesmerizing, spell-binding, the virtual embodiment of alienation and unarticulated angst that define the futility of our existence." Second night met with equal success. Joe Luden, legendary Entertainment critic of The Suburban wrote, "Harry Starr's haunting performance as Estragon captured my soul." Too good to be true? Maybe. But Harry worried that it was a harbinger of the Evil Eye.

Serendipitous  forces were also at work for Harry during the last performance of the production. Sitting in the audience (while devouring a Schwartz's smoked meat sandwich) was the legendary New York-based talent agent, Manny Bloom, the living legend who discovered the Oscar-winning Justin Guffman and scores of other working actors. With his personal life in tatters, Manny Bloom took an extended leave from New York and moved in with his best friend and former college room mate, Morris Dorfman, head of the McGill Theater and director of the play. More important, Professor Dorfman firmly believed that Harry was a huge talent. He insisted that Manny see the play and consider signing Harry as a client.


And Manny Bloom could scout talent better than anyone else in the business. He could sign them first and set their careers in motion, but as soon as they were on the verge of making it big, Manny was given the pink slip. He simply didn't have that cutthroat edge to him. Manny was just too much of a gentleman to claw it to the top, and he was also a choke when the stakes got big.

The timing was right, at least for Harry. Manny however, was sputtering after barely surviving a ruinous divorce from his ex-wife, Tessie the Tennessee Terror, a shrewish foot model he discovered and who later rose to dominate the corn and bunion market. Tessie not only cleaned him out of his modest life savings, she also dragged his good name through the mud by blabbing:

That Manny participated in a bogus invoicing scheme.

That Manny could only make love to her if she would dress up as a sports mascot.

That Manny had been carrying on a decades-long affair with the first client he ever signed,(the one only to stay with him), New York's great balloon-folding artist, Minerva Foss.

Then cameth the chicken bone scene. Harry had to suck on some chicken bones. But while sucking on them, a bone accidentally slipped out of his fingers and lodged into the back of his throat, causing him to choke on stage.

Fortunately there was a doctor in the audience who ran up on stage and saved Harry from choking to death. Unfortunately though, Harry punctured his larynx and could not finish his performance. But at least fellow chokers stick together. Manny Bloom, a world class choke in his own right, was able to overlook the stage disaster and hone in on Harry as a talent.

"The kid's got it," he confided to Professor Dorfman. "Providing he recovers fully from the punctured larynx, I'm ready to get him auditions on Broadway. There's a couple of productions coming up where he could have a shot at."

CUT TO: Two months later when Harry fully recovered, Manny schlepped him around town to audition:

Sim Neilson's, Hello Babe, It's Him. Sim Neilson was actually present at the audition and taking an active role in casting the lead parts. He handed Harry the script, pat him on the back and wished him good luck. Harry strode on stage, cracked some knuckles, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. But when he opened his mouth to read, his throat constricted and he gagged. A glass of water, a dozen deep breaths later and the same result.

"Sorry, Manny," Sim said.

"Todd and Carol" with Shelley Winters as Carol. Repeat performance by Harry.

"O Bombay! "Maybe getting him on stage buck naked will do the trick?" Manny surmised to no avail.

End result: Manny doesn't sign Harry.

"You can always call me up kid, when you get your stage voice back. Don't sweat it, we all go through this kind of crap."

"..," Harry gagged.