The Curse of the Flunkers

Of course, maybe it was too late for reinvention, too late to leave town, too late for flunkers like Benji? He was the third one to go this year. Before Benji, it was Blitt.

Todd “One-Ball" Blitt was the coolest flunker – he didn’t have to bullshit about nameless chicks from New Jersey. His stories were really true and he scored with all the babes, even after he lost his favorite ball to a Welsh Corgi named Nipsy.

But flunking only made One-Ball more aggressive. Maybe he had to make up for the missing testosterone? One-Ball fought continuously during his repeated year at school. And he became a real danger there, when he earned his black belt in karate. It just seemed like a matter of time before something really bad would happen.

And of course, eventually something really bad did happen. One night after a Who concert, his mother caught him doing hot knives with hash in the kitchen. A heated argument ensued, tempers flared and his mother lost control. She kicked her son in his remaining ball. One-Ball went psycho, and, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he accidentally...killed his mother with a savate to the head.

Plagued with guilt, he later confided to best friend Lenny Mendelssohn, who told Mikey Fink, who told LeVine née Levine, that he covered up the accidental killing of his mother by hanging her from the chandelier, leading everyone to believe that she committed suicide.

“She would’ve wanted it that way,” One-Ball hypothesized. “It would've kill her to see me rot in prison with all those fucking degenerates.”