The Contract

"Wendy put out a contract on my head? This is a joke, right?"

"Not according to her pet groomer, Marvin, who by the way, also blow dries Wendy's hair."

"You're fucking pulling my leg, Gomez. First of all, I paid her back the four hundred bucks. I apologized, what's her problem?"

"Well, for one,  she's insane. For two, her father's a mobster. Really. He just got thrown in jail. The Feds shut down his traveling carnivals for like a million safety violations, and the IRS is all over him for tax evasion. They seized all his property, except for Wendy's house which is in her name."

"Even so, you're telling me that this girl who goes to the same hair-dresser as collies, who works as a production assistant on a TV show, hired a hitman to kill me."

"According to Marvin, her pet groomer. She tells Marvin everything."

"I don't buy it. She may be insane, but she's not a criminal."

"She has a past, Harry. She got caught for dealing dope at dog parks a few years ago. Her lawyer got her off without doing time, but she actually has a criminal record."

"And now you tell me this? You dickhead!"

"She was just dealing pot, Harry. Big deal."

"So I'll go to the cops. We have a witness, Marvin the pet groomer."

"Also an ex-con, he'll never squeal. He used to be one her dog park dealers. Look Harry, we have to leave town till can work things out...."

"We?"

"Yeah, she wants to kill me for telling people that she was my girlfriend."

"Well that's what you went around saying."

"Never. I said we were just seeing each other. Big difference."

"Whatever. I just cannot take this whole thing seriously..."

"Tell that to the Petona brothers."

"The name sounds familiar..."

"Yeah, they played the Scarletti brothers on The Maranos. "

"Right, I remember them. The hitmen who got whacked after the second season."

"And after their characters got whacked on the show, they became...hitmen."

"But what about Gypsy. I'm not blowing my first break. And to top it off, we just hired you, Gomez."

"It's okay, we can write on the road and work online. I know a decent hotel Berkeley where we can stay with till things cool down."

"Till things cool down...I didn't fucking do anything."

"Look I can fix things, it's not the first time somebody wanted to kill me and my friends. I can speak to Marvin, he can work on Wendy. But it takes time, the chick is whacko and dangerous since she stopped taking her meds. She's been shooting pigeons."

"Yeah, I guess you would know all that, you were seeing her."

"And I want to live to see another day, Harry. No more to discuss. Let's take off."

"I gotta go home first and pack some stuff."

"The Petona brothers are probably waiting for you there right now."

"But I don't want to have to buy new clothes when I have perfectly good ones at home. It's bad enough I have to pay for two hotel rooms."

Gomez noticed a black SUV pull up in front of his house.

"The back door, Harry. I was wrong, they're in front of my house now."